To Find True North

Maybe you're just going crazy, you know? Too much time behind a glowing screen, too little time in front of people you love, or people who love you. I don't know. But something's... something's different. You ever feel stable? No, not like standing on a fencepost, you idiot. I mean emotionally. I feel all kinds of fucked up, these days. I see a poster for some earrings, and I see them on her... and I just lose it. No, on the inside. I lose it on the inside.

And it stays there, for hours. No, I'm fine, alright? Let me finish. Like, a big gaping pit opens up inside of me, and I've gotta calm myself down just to get to the point where I can start shoveling dirt back in. But where's all this dirt even coming from? Won't I run out eventually? If I'm an island, or some kind of... well, everything's an island if you step back far enough, so... yeah, okay. If I'm an island, and something keeps making all these pits, I'm going to sink sooner or later. And you know, thinking about that, well, I might as well have looked at those fucking earrings again.

Let me tell you a story, something that happened to me once. It was really stupid, okay? I drove to Alaska. Yeah. Yes, I drove through Canada. It was cold. That's not the point, alright? I was in Alaska, just me and a shitty rental car. I had read a post online where this dude just drove all the way up to the top of Alaska, said it was the most mindblowing thing he'd ever done. I said, you know what? Fuck it. I can do that. I don't care about my job, I have a savings account. So I got to Seattle, and decided to haul ass north. North, or bust.

Anyway, things go pretty well for a while. I had a lot of time to think, and there weren't any damn billboards in sight. No... I know, it was weird, you see them all over the place here. Earrings, boots, coats, politics, all that stuff... not on the road up there. Just a few gas station signs and the same old highway construction crap.

Anyway, at some point in Alaska I'm literally driving through the worst snowstorm I've ever been in. Yes, I skipped over the Canada parts. Deal with it. So once I'm in this storm, my car got stuck dozens of times, and you know, there's not really a... plow, or a road salting truck up there. We're lucky over here... but that's taxes for you, I guess. Anyway, I'd been so gung-ho on the idea of actually going and doing it, I'd never checked the weather or god forbid, rented a car with snow tires. I'm stuck in the dinkiest soccer mom thing they had, and at that point I was thinking greasing the tires up would probably help more than anything else I could do.

Push comes to shove, and soon enough I'm stuck. A moose dashed out into the road and spooked me, and I veered - yes, a real, honest-to-god, moose. Big ol' antlers. Anyway, I veered, and got stuck in what was probably a few feet off the shoulder at some point. My car wasn't moving, and I was stuck, and the snow was still falling thick. I wanted to kill that moose.

And... you know, it never really hit me to think about whether or not Alaska would have cell service. I've gotten lost before, but... well, that was where we are. With cell service. LTE. 4G. 3G. I don't know, whatever, WiFi and Starbucks. The point is, I was lost, no map, no phone, and things were getting pretty cold. Yeah, I could wait it out in my car with the heater on, but all I had was a few changes of clothes. No, I didn't bring a blanket. I told you this was a stupid story.

I decided to wait it out in the car for a while. It would get cold, so I'd turn on the heater for a while, let the engine run... and the gas lasted a while... but only a while. I'm starting to wonder, you know, does anyone even drive down this road? I was just going north, based on what the car's thing said. There was only one road at this point, and it seemed like the last gas station was quite a ways behind me, as it was. No, I never bothered to check the maps and chart out a route. The guy on the internet did it, and he made it look easy, I just figured... yes, I'd taken road trips before, and I know what I was doing, just, you know, I wasn't really prepared for this. It was a bit more than I wanted.

Anyway. I'm out here, in the road, and my car finally ran out of gas. It's been a few hours, I'm shivering, my coat sucks, whatever. I made a decision, then.

Stay, or move.

I started walking.

How many miles? I have no idea. It got dark pretty fast, though. Turns out the further north you go, the longer nights or days can get. Yeah, it depends on the time of year. Yeah, I know that's because of the axis tilt, I just hadn't thought about it. Look, I wasn't in the business of common sense right then, so you can just drop me being an idiot and keep listening if you want to hear the rest of the story. Yeah. Okay, well, good for you. Keep it to yourself.

I remember seeing all the white flecks on my face in the corners of my eyes, hoarfrost on everything. It's funny how much you sweat when you're freezing and terrified, and really, it's a terrible thing to have happen. You get sweaty, you get wet, and that water just sucks heat out of you like soda through a straw.

And... I admit, I went there to forget about things. It worked. You ever try remembering shitty times while you're about to die? No, well, I guess you don't like to have fun. Me, on the other hand, I'm an idiot, I have no choice in the matter.

Up until then, my legs are just falling asleep. It's been too long. I'm too cold. Too sleepy. I just want to lay right down under one of the many trees on the side of the road and - yeah, there were a lot. It's Alaska, dude, not the Sahara. I knew I'd die if I did that, I'd seen all the movies and stuff where people go to sleep in the cold.

So I kept walking.

And... that's when I heard it. Something kind of grinding, packing, way up ahead, muffled through the falling snow. You know, I'm wondering if this is some kind of trick, but finally I see something come up over the hill.

A pair of headlights.

And I'm just gone at this point. Waving my arms, trying to scream through a frozen throat. Yeah, I must have looked like a total idiot, practically half-dead.

I don't even remember what happened after that, not much, anyway. I heard a car door slam shut, or maybe it opened. There were hands on me, shoving me into something warm and shouting words I couldn't hear.

And that was the best warmth I'd ever felt in my life.

No, that blanket out of the dryer shit is underrated. This was real, bone-soaking lava, pouring straight from the volcano into my soul. And I realize I'm in a car, and we're driving down the road. There's someone driving the car, and that's when I realized there were no back-seats, and we were in a truck.

Yeah, I could have just said it was a truck, but I thought it was a car at first. Are you gonna nitpick everything?

Anyway, this dude's loaded in flannels. I can see two flannel collars coming out under a thick flannel coat, under an even thicker beard. I'm thinking, wow, this guy. I look down, and shit, I'm in a flannel blanket and I'm in another flannel coat. I didn't have that stuff when I broke down. And I'm just amazed, thinking about how I just got rescued by the flannel bandit... and I didn't even know what to say. I tried to say thanks, but something really stupid came out instead. Yeah, it was kind of a mumble, half-gurgle, I don't know. Thmabs. Yeah, probably. Sounded like thmabs. I heard the flannel bandit chuckle somewhat under his beard, and he's twisting dials in his truck, blasting all the heat on me. Oh merciful father, that was the sweetest heat I'd ever felt.

Flannel guy reaches into some bags he's got between the seats, and he hands me a crinkly little envelope. I struggle with my fingers, yeah, they were pretty numb, and I struggle with this thing and finally pull out the most beautiful little steamed bun ever. It was a dumpling, and somehow this guy managed to make it. No, I was pretty sure he was just a stereotypical white Alaskan whatever. I mean, that beard though. I don't know. Maybe. I wasn't really looking. I bit into this thing with ferocity, alright? I was starving something outrageous. You try walking a marathon in double-digit Kelvin or whatever it was.

Soon enough my lips felt a bit more pliable, and - no, it means, like, workable. You know, bubblegum is pliable. Wood isn't. Damn, man, read more. So my lips felt a bit more pliable, and I'm thinking I have to tell this guy where my car is, tell him how delicious that dumpling was. But... you know, I'm warm as hell, comfortable as hell, bone-tired, and... I just fell asleep. Passed out. No, I usually can't sleep in a car either. That was kind of an exception.

I woke up in a dingy motel room, covered in blankets. There's a note on the counter, something about food in the fridge, and a number to call. My wallet was left out, keys, phone, all that stuff right there on the counter. The note said something about how I paid for the room, but that I was lucky. And I'm thinking, shit, I don't even know who I am for the next five minutes, where I am, or how I got here, and I start remembering the flannel bandit and things get pieced together. Yeah, I was pretty groggy when I woke up. I think I tried hitting my alarm clock or something, but the bed was next to the wall, so I just smashed my wrist into it. Hurt pretty bad.

I called the phone number from the motel phone, and it was a guy with a tow truck who said he'd managed to tow my car into his lot, right down the road from where I'm at. I asked him how he knew me or where I was, and he tells me Vic told him. I'm like, who the hell is Vic - and, you know, big oh moment. Flannel guy was Vic. Yeah, he was gone then. Guess he was a local. No idea.

I talk to reception, same story. Vic. Vic Vic Vic. Everyone in the town knew Vic, but not a lot of them really knew him. You know? Yeah, I guess so.

Anyway, I got my car back, got lunch, walked around... this was a tiny town, really. I think I counted about six houses, not including the hotel. And some of those houses were just travel trailers, so... yeah. Couldn't find Vic's house, he didn't seem to live there. Dinky little place. The name? I... don't remember. It was small, though. Doubt it's even on the map.

Soon enough, I busted out of there and went straight south. Yeah, I was done with my plan of heading north. I had just about zero interest in that at this point. It was a stupid idea. I'm surprised more people in that town didn't just flat out call me an idiot. Maybe it happens all the time? I can't believe I'm the only person who could do something that shortsighted, you know?

What do you mean? Christ, dude, I just told you the whole story. What do you think the point was? I don't know, maybe sometimes... sometimes you just... whatever. I don't know. That's just what happened, your comment brought it up, and... okay, fine. Yeah, let's go ask him what he's up to later. Maybe he'll want to see a movie, or grab something to eat. Yeah, I'm pretty hungry too. I'll drive.